Alone in Dreaming
by Naimeria
Summary: In the aftermath of the Manhattan attack, Tony dreams and Steve worries.


**_Title:_** Alone in Dreaming

**_Author:_** Naimeria

**_Warnings:_** Mild slash

**_Summary: _**In the aftermath of the Manhattan attack, Tony dreams and Steve worries.

**_Author's Notes:_** I have no beta (if you're interested, feel free to contact me, as I would love one), so all mistakes are mine. I wrote this in a rush one night, and it mirrors a lot of my emotions at the time of when it was written.

Standard Disclaimer.

oOo

_The center of his chest is throbbing, a beat behind as his body shudders and quakes, trying in vain to adjust to the lack of air. His head aches, and everything feels heavy, and the weight on his shoulders increases. He chokes on nothing, eyes held wide, staring, unable to look away. Hands go limp and, with his last energy reserve, he shoves his burden as far from him as possible. He goes limp, and falls back, but his eyes are plastered open. _

_In the vastness, stars glitter, a shy wonder surrounding the bulk of machinery in the center of his vision. Grey and blue and alien glares down at him, tempting him to come closer, taunting him from the other side, it's warriors wreaking havoc down below as its home base floats, safe and sound. _

_He wishes he had the strength to smirk as he watches the missile drift towards the hulking mass, an innocent speck, a dandelion on a breeze. It almost vanishes as its swallowed, white engulfed by grey and the blanket of space in the backdrop. Then a flower of fire blossoms, hard and fast, and it expands, and he falls, and how he wants to close his eyes, but they stay open, and where he should fall back into blue sky the stars keep blinking, and the fire comes near, and his suit is silent, and Pepper never answered, he didn't get to – _

_And then the fear is blinding, choking him, and the black is smothered by red, all the red, burning white hot, and he did this for them, he laid down on the wire, but he would never get to see them grow into something more, what they should be, he is trapped, trapped, trapped –_

He hears a strangled cry and jerked his whole body, his ability to move startling him so badly he throws himself into motion and then he's falling, falling again, and it's dark, and he chokes on another shout as he hits the floor with a loud thud.

Reality hits him and he presses his forehead into the carpet, breath coming hard, hand over the arc reactor, eyes pressed shut, and just breathe, you've done this before, everything is fine, you're not in a cave, you're home, this is stupid, you're safe.

And then he feels a soft rhythm in the carpet and he doesn't register it for what it is until there's a hand on his shoulder, and he jerks away, eyes flying open.

"Tony?"

His other shoulder pressed into the couch, and he hates himself for recoiling, for falling asleep in the living room, and why, God, why did it have to be Steve?

"Tony," he says again, caution in his voice, "What's…do you want to-"

"No," Tony deflects, waving a hand, trying to calm his breathing, because fuck if he was going to stay worked up over this. "No, I'm okay. Just," he puts a hand on the sofa and stands, "nightmare."

Steve puts a hand on his elbow, and Tony jerks away, stumbling, eyes on the floor. "It's alright. Get some sleep, Cap," he says, and practically runs out of the room. He makes a beeline for the lab, and immediately throws himself into the metalwork, because hell if he's getting any more sleep any time soon.

oOo

Its three days later and he's in the lab again, and his chin is in his palm as he modifies a code with his left hand, scrawling on the tablet screen with a half-lidded gaze, the buzz of his tech surrounding him a comfort. The blue glow of the holograms and his reactor is a solid connection to his surroundings. He's done all the social things normal people do, he's not avoiding anything, no matter what the looks Steve keeps giving him are saying, he's doing just fine thank you very much.

But his eyelids are drooping, and the code is blurry, and all he can think is no, don't, I don't want to sleep yet –

_The display is red and his targets are blurs, his hand jerking and shaking as he tries to fire on the ten that are firing at him, and he feels the chestplate ache as it takes too much abuse, feels the burn, the vibrations jarring him and making his entire body go numb. But he doesn't care, it's only him, he can make new armor, this he can handle._

_He hears a scream in his ear, and his thrusters are blasting, and he's gone, rocketing back, the cry echoing in his ears, and he thinks he's talking, asking or locations and conditions, but his body knows where he's going, and he knows what he hears, and suddenly he's landing and he's surrounded by the fallen._

_Natasha lies sill, blood on her chin and eyes blank as she stares up at the portal, hand curled around her pistol. Hawkeye is clutching his bow, slumped over a broken statue, empty quiver dangling off of one arm. Bruce lays in a pile of rubble, nude and beaten, eyes shut, arms curled around himself. Thor is on his stomach, back ripped open and eyes blank, staring at Mjolnir as it rests inches from his fingers. _

_Tony falls to his knees, can't breathe, the reactor flutters, struggling to keep him up, and he hears a yell. Tony turns his head and Steve is coming toward him, hand wrapped around his stomach, and then he's falling toward him, a spear through his back, peeking through his chest, and Tony screams, Steve's blood is on him, covers the display, coats the reactor, and Steve is saying something, and blood pours out of his mouth – _

Tony bites his tongue as he jolts awake, flinging his head up and staring at the wall, seeing stars and red and tasting copper. He becomes aware of something on the back of his neck, but then it moves, and he reacts, goes to move it, to fire a repulsor that he isn't wearing, but something odd happens instead.

A hand covers his, and Steve's face is there, and there's no blood, just concern. Tony opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Steve presses his other hand to Tony's chest, and he grabs that hand without thinking and holds it there, as if that's what's keeping his heart beating. He breathes, and it's a sob, and he hates it, but Steve presses his forehead to his, and he falls to pieces.

"Tony." It's soft, a plea, a request.

"I'm-"

"Don't," Steve says, and it's a snarl, it's his battlefield voice, and Tony actually jumps. Steve's eyes widen, but he doesn't back down, merely softens his gaze again. "Don't say you're fine. You're just –" he cuts off, closing his eyes. When he opens them, they shine. "I hate when you lie to me, Tony."

He can't say anything to that. He shuts his eyes, and the forehead moves and then there are lips pressed to his temple, and he lets out a shuddering breath.

"I don't mean to," he says finally, because damn it, Steve deserves more than this, he deserves strength and assurance, he's the one that is a man out of time, thrust into a world of unknowns and of insecurities, and here he is, comforting the man that lives in the future. It's twisted, and Tony hates himself for it. "I just," he tries again, "Its reflexive. I'm not - it's not a lie when I know I'll be okay tomorrow. I'm not okay, alright, but I will be, and it's my problem anyway, and -"

Steve shuts him up by moving his lips from Tony's forehead to his mouth. Tony sputters to a stop and Steve is clearly determined, because the lips pressed to his are firm and hard and _right _and oh. Suddenly the lips are gone and Tony can't help but fall forward slightly, already missing the contact, and his eyes are open again, and hey when did he close them anyway?

Steve's eyes are shining, the raw emotion there making Tony's chest throb again. "I need you to see," Steve says, "that you _matter_, that this is not okay, and you're not the only one that's scared." Steve releases his hands and pulls him close, and when did they get on the floor? Tony tenses, and Steve stares at him, those blue eyes engulfing him, and he watches him wordlessly as Steve seems to struggle with something. "You're not the only one that's not always here all the time, and you're not the only one that has nightmares." Steve sighs. "You're not broken, Tony, no one needs to fix you."

Tony makes a sound, and it sounds like he can't breathe, and he opens his mouth, trying to make him understand, but suddenly it clicks, all of it, and it hits him with the strength of a sledgehammer.

"Yeah," he manages, and his throat is dry, so he swallows and tries again. "We're all a little scared sometimes, huh?" And he isn't used to feeling so exposed, the armor striped from him, and those eyes did it, this man on the floor of his lab, holding him in his lap, with his blonde hair and that earnest smile and those eyes, he did it all in a moment. And Tony lets out a small laugh, because he's so raw and yeah, he's a little scared, even by this, but he would never throw it away, not for the world, because Steve makes him feel human.

The realization makes him dizzy. "Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay with me."

Steve visibly relaxes and wraps his arms around Tony's shoulder. "Always."

And Tony falls bonelessly into that grip, and when the nightmares come, he knows he's not alone.


End file.
